**TRIGGER WARNING** Rape, mansplaining.
I need advice-
I am the President of the Philosophy Club. Elected by the club members, I lead the discussions and assign the weekly topics and readings. My predecessor nominated me and I was unanimously elected.
Last night, we discussed the topic of Feminism in Philosophy, which was fun because I was the *only* woman there for the first part of the night LOL! As per usual, the topic wandered and we got into gender identity and race and a lot of other problems. It was fun.
Then rape came up. Being liberal, well-educated and smart, most of the men present were disgusted with the state of rape culture we live in. We were given a wonderful chance to educate one person, who honestly didn’t understand the terror a woman walking alone at night feels. Especially in a parking garage, and how the fear grows exponentially when someone is walking behind her. Bless his heart, he is delightfully naïve and sweet. He was horrified to learn women are afraid.
Then X spoke up. He presented a “thought experiment” (a common practice in philosophical discussions) where there was a country with a 100% rape rate. Every woman in the country has been raped and the men knew it was wrong, but they were just rapey men. An American woman gets it in her head to visit, let’s call it, Rapeistan. She gets off the plane and is raped. One has to admit she had it coming.
This is not a case of cultural relativism, or anything as murky as that. The men in Rapeistan know rape is wrong. However, Sally (the American girl) insisted on visiting. So she has some responsibility for her own rape.
“No.” I said. Very loud, and very clear. “No.”
He went on to describe a night club he had been to in NYC that was known for its very sexual atmosphere, and how when he went, he went with a large group of friends because he knew the reputation of this club and he still got molested. He said that if a woman went there alone, knowing the reputation, and was molested, he would “feel bad for her, but would ask her ‘what were you thinking?’”
I, again, said “No. That is not how it works” very loud, and very clear.
Then the real fun started.
Henry decided that while rape is wrong, indeed, very wrong, a woman is “negligent” when she is raped.
This is where I became visibly enraged. I spoke over him, pointed right at him and said his name. I demanded to know:
the length of a “negligent” skirt.
The color of a “negligent” lipstick.
The size of a “negligent” drink.
Because we are Philosophy majors we’re all about defining terms. “Negligent” means: 1 a : marked by or given to neglect especially habitually or culpably b : failing to exercise the care expected of a reasonably prudent person in like circumstances 2 : marked by a carelessly easy manner
“failing to exercise the care expected of a reasonably prudent person in like circumstances”
Which means a woman who is raped, according to X, is a woman who wasn’t “careful” enough.
I blew a gasket.
He assured me he meant the definition legally
Legally, “Negligent” means: Conduct that falls below the standards of behavior established by law for the protection of others against unreasonable risk of harm. A person has acted negligently if he or she has departed from the conduct expected of a reasonably prudent person acting under similar circumstances. In order to establish negligence as a Cause of Action under the law of TORTS, a plaintiff must prove that the defendant had a duty to the plaintiff, the defendant breached that duty by failing to conform to the required standard of conduct, the defendant’s negligent conduct was the cause of the harm to the plaintiff, and the plaintiff was, in fact, harmed or damaged.
Which means a woman literally cannot be negligent in the case of her own rape, because only the perpetrator can be found “negligent”.
I told him that he was victim blaming. He assured me he wasn’t.
I *strongly* dislike X. Have since last year, when my predecessor told A and me that X told her “women don’t belong in Philosophy” and that “she shouldn’t be the club president.” My predecessor is a tiny girl, short and slight. He felt “brave” enough to belittle her, but won’t even make direct eye contact with me. I am tall, 6’3, and a big curvy girl, 260lbs. I am loud and aggressive. This tells me he is a coward. I smell the weakness on him and it makes me want to be more aggressive towards him.
I argued loudly and angrily that unless I say “Please fuck me” assume that I don’t want to fuck you. I said a man needs to understand that the default answer is “NO.” unless *explicitly* stated otherwise.
Oh wise intertubes, how do I deal with this tool?